Inside card: "The Bad News: That's not what I want tickled."

April 3, 1982

Tom,

I've grown tired of waiting until Monday to talk to you, and I've been completely frustrated at the way our relationship has gone for the past week.  I want to tell you at least a few things here, and we can talk more on Monday.

First, Tome, everything I've told you has been true.  I'm not "on the rebound," and I do not have any other lovers or gay friends who are affecting anything between us.

I could sense your insecurity about things from the start, and I could really sympathize with you.  I believe that I understand your worries and feelings - I've had them myself.

Tom, I like you very, very much.  I've tremendously enjoyed the time that we've spent together.  But unfortunately, you met me on a very untypical week in my life: a week during which I had much more free time than I usually have.  Basically, Tom, I've been really badly torn between wanting you in my life, and knowing and fearing that I simply didn't have time for you.  I guess at this point - my last quarter at Stanford - I am unwilling to give up the friendships from school that would be necessary for us to have any kind of serious relationship.  It's simple - I just don't have the time.

But Tom, I also don't want to lose you.  You've very much a person that I've been wanting to meet for a long time.  I like you very, very much.  I guess what I'm saying is that I want to work something out so that we can remain friends - and grow in our friendship - and continue what we've had, sexually, that is, without it becoming too much for me at this point in time.

Come the middle of June, everything changes for me.  I'll have lots more time, and things can be different.  Tome: I haven't been dodging you or running away.  I have been freaked by not knowing how to fit you into my life of today.  But I want to tell you that I want to work out a way for things between us to continue.  And this we can talk about soon.

Phil

I forgot that he was a senior!  I guess I did have that classic crush on an older student.