Unknown Month, 2006

H. Armstrong Roberts, Stock Market

Caption: I believe in you.

I wish be of more comfort for you two.  Bijou had a wonderful, loving home.  Her life was a very happy one before her illness.

She is in my thoughts, and I know she found lots of friends - maybe even Dad where she is now.

Love to you,

Mom/Mary

Inside card: The Bad News: I can't go around grunting and groaning all the time.

May 15, 1982 Saturday

Now Tom,

What would people think if I limited my vocabulary so greatly[?]  It would be depriving the whole world of my great speaking ability.  Anyway, enough about me, haha.  I would like to remind you once again what a great guy you are.  I'm really glad that we're such good friends and I hope it stays that way even after graduation.  But mainly, I just want to wish you a Happy Birthday!

Love,

Lea

Lea has recently moved to far northern California.  We only caught up with each other on Facebook, and that's where I found out that she is a lesbian, involved with a much older woman, and still didn't tell her parents.  She's had a hard life including life-threatening illness.  I think the move followed her dad's passing; her mother passed away fairly young.  She's been highly involved with horses and training, but I have once again lost touch with her.  She was also quite eccentric.

Inside card: "The Bad News: That's not what I want tickled."

April 3, 1982

Tom,

I've grown tired of waiting until Monday to talk to you, and I've been completely frustrated at the way our relationship has gone for the past week.  I want to tell you at least a few things here, and we can talk more on Monday.

First, Tome, everything I've told you has been true.  I'm not "on the rebound," and I do not have any other lovers or gay friends who are affecting anything between us.

I could sense your insecurity about things from the start, and I could really sympathize with you.  I believe that I understand your worries and feelings - I've had them myself.

Tom, I like you very, very much.  I've tremendously enjoyed the time that we've spent together.  But unfortunately, you met me on a very untypical week in my life: a week during which I had much more free time than I usually have.  Basically, Tom, I've been really badly torn between wanting you in my life, and knowing and fearing that I simply didn't have time for you.  I guess at this point - my last quarter at Stanford - I am unwilling to give up the friendships from school that would be necessary for us to have any kind of serious relationship.  It's simple - I just don't have the time.

But Tom, I also don't want to lose you.  You've very much a person that I've been wanting to meet for a long time.  I like you very, very much.  I guess what I'm saying is that I want to work something out so that we can remain friends - and grow in our friendship - and continue what we've had, sexually, that is, without it becoming too much for me at this point in time.

Come the middle of June, everything changes for me.  I'll have lots more time, and things can be different.  Tome: I haven't been dodging you or running away.  I have been freaked by not knowing how to fit you into my life of today.  But I want to tell you that I want to work out a way for things between us to continue.  And this we can talk about soon.

Phil

I forgot that he was a senior!  I guess I did have that classic crush on an older student.

April 24, 1982

Tom -

It looks like your illness has kind of dampened plans for our one-month anniversary, but I want to write this to tell you how I feel about things.  I have enjoyed the time that we've spent together very, very much.  You're just so fun to be with, to play around with, to run around with, to tickle, to kiss.  You name it...

Your last card really meant a lot to me.  It told me that you were looking for a relationship like I've been wanting for a very long time: a friend and a lover, who I can do things with, or just relax with.

Tom, I'm looking forward to this summer so much, when we can let our friendship grow more and more, when we can do more things together, and be with each other.

It's weird how this last month has gone.  I liked you from the start, but for a while I was "freaked" because I didn't know where to find the time for you.  As my feelings grew, I realized I just had to make the time.

And now, I find myself feeling insecure about our relationship.  Not seeing you since Monday has gotten me wondering, even though I understand completely about your strep throat.  But I'm hanging in there, looking forward to better times.  I'll try to keep my insecurity under control.

It may be a little silly to make not of only a one-month anniversary like this, but I was thinking about it last Monday when you mentioned it, and the month has been so important to me that it was worth the sillyness [sic].  I'm so glad that I met you, and I hope that this has just been the first of many, many months of friendship and love between us.

Take care, Tom, and get well soon.  I hope that you're feeling better real soon, and I'm pulling for you!

I love you,

Phil

I'm trying to remember his last name.  I think it was Jimenez, but I could be wrong.  Phil was a Stanford student driving a red Mazda sports car...I thought he was quite a catch.  Our relationship was brief; I seem to believe his insecurities grew.  Fast forward to finding him online not too long ago, I was glad to see that he was doing well and had a partner.  I think he was once again "freaked" that I contacted him, so I didn't hear from him again.  Always strange.